Chasing Hope Choosing Joy
Friday, October 9, 2015
WE'RE LIVE!!!!!
It's finally official; after several weeks of waiting we are finally home study approved and live on the internet. Now a mother could chose us who is nine months and a day pregnant or still early on in her pregnancy. She could even view our profile now via the internet on the Angel website in the comfort of her own home. So, here we are ready to wait, pray, and repeat. Hoping and praying that getting a match doesn't take the full two years or sixteen months (our real time frame because it took us four months to become home study approved). Until next time friends, always Chasing Hope and patiently waiting.
Monday, October 5, 2015
The Dreaded Baby Registry
Sitting in the car outside of Babies 'R' Us, I am filled with this sickening feeling way down deep in the pit of my stomach. I know I need to go into this baby fueled building and register for my upcoming baby shower. The only thoughts running through my mind are completely toxic. How will this go? Will they judge me as soon as I walk in and don't have that bump? What will they say once I share that we are adopting? Will they even consider me a mommy? All of these questions are insane; frankly because I don't know anyone and why would they care.
Walking a little too quickly to the door and a cold chill in the air, I enter with my other rock by my side. I am so relieved that Chase came with me. Stepping up to the counter I see that it is vacant (thank you God) and sit down in front of a clipboard where I will have to fill out information about myself. Great here come the crazy questions. Almost instantly I am speechless all over what line two on the form says. Are you adopting? That little line made every little fear vanish until the employee came over to "help".
Upon sitting down she's asks a simple question. When are you due? For a woman like myself it is one I hate to hear. There isn't a due date, at least not yet. The only think I could think of to say was, "1-24 months". I'm a smarty pants what can I say. That got her to look up from her computer and I said that we were adopting which she would have been able to see if she would have looked at the application I handed her. No harm, I'll assume the adoption registry is rare, but I am so grateful that it is even an option.
Then she proceeded to ask when the due date was. I guess in order for them to register a couple into the computer you have to put in a date. Well, as I just told her not five minutes before that we were adopting and didn't have a date. I know people don't think this way, but if a couple is adopting the odds might weigh heavily that they can't have children or are having problems having them. Why would you continue to ask a woman who doesn't know what to say and mentioned that we were adopting, the same question a million times? Finally settling on the shower date, we moved past that wonderful question and arrive to the fun part, adding items to our registry.
All I have to say is WOW, they make so much baby stuff. It was so overwhelming just looking and trying to figure out what we might need. I cannot imagine having the extra added hormones of a pregnancy and making a registry. We fire off a few things because honestly we just want to stick with the basics. Making our way back to our to the counter, we spot our lady that helped us fill out the paper work. To tie a bow on what I knew would be a strange trip, she proceeded to tell me how she was a doula and if we needed anything here was all of her contact information. Again not pregnant or having a baby, it was too bad that she couldn't remember that little bubble I filled in earlier.
The long and short of this post is that adoption is making its way a little stronger into our culture. Sadly, the worker awareness when helping a potential mother might not be the best but at least it's a start. Any progress is progress I guess. Until next time, always Chasing Hope.
Walking a little too quickly to the door and a cold chill in the air, I enter with my other rock by my side. I am so relieved that Chase came with me. Stepping up to the counter I see that it is vacant (thank you God) and sit down in front of a clipboard where I will have to fill out information about myself. Great here come the crazy questions. Almost instantly I am speechless all over what line two on the form says. Are you adopting? That little line made every little fear vanish until the employee came over to "help".
Upon sitting down she's asks a simple question. When are you due? For a woman like myself it is one I hate to hear. There isn't a due date, at least not yet. The only think I could think of to say was, "1-24 months". I'm a smarty pants what can I say. That got her to look up from her computer and I said that we were adopting which she would have been able to see if she would have looked at the application I handed her. No harm, I'll assume the adoption registry is rare, but I am so grateful that it is even an option.
Then she proceeded to ask when the due date was. I guess in order for them to register a couple into the computer you have to put in a date. Well, as I just told her not five minutes before that we were adopting and didn't have a date. I know people don't think this way, but if a couple is adopting the odds might weigh heavily that they can't have children or are having problems having them. Why would you continue to ask a woman who doesn't know what to say and mentioned that we were adopting, the same question a million times? Finally settling on the shower date, we moved past that wonderful question and arrive to the fun part, adding items to our registry.
All I have to say is WOW, they make so much baby stuff. It was so overwhelming just looking and trying to figure out what we might need. I cannot imagine having the extra added hormones of a pregnancy and making a registry. We fire off a few things because honestly we just want to stick with the basics. Making our way back to our to the counter, we spot our lady that helped us fill out the paper work. To tie a bow on what I knew would be a strange trip, she proceeded to tell me how she was a doula and if we needed anything here was all of her contact information. Again not pregnant or having a baby, it was too bad that she couldn't remember that little bubble I filled in earlier.
The long and short of this post is that adoption is making its way a little stronger into our culture. Sadly, the worker awareness when helping a potential mother might not be the best but at least it's a start. Any progress is progress I guess. Until next time, always Chasing Hope.
My Blogiversary
Sunday, October 4, 2015
To Shower or Not to Shower
That my friends is a huge question, and I'm not talking about hygiene. I have been going back and forth about this situation in my head since we started the adoption process. Searching the depths of the internet, I looked high and low and finally came to a decision. It is completely up to me.
I know for a fact that God has a baby in mind for us, and who knows I could eat my words later on down the road. Not that it wouldn't be a new concept for me. Here is what I know. When we do get that glorious call to rush to the hospital, I want to be ready. It could be that we are picked and have time to wait, but I don't want to take a chance of getting that call and not being prepared. It just simply won't work for me and isn't in my personality.
There have been several people mention about not being chosen or coming up babyless for lack of a better word. This was another endless conversation in my head too and one that I try hard not to think about. When we signed on with Angel I felt a calm like I've never felt in all the years we spent trying to conceive. Everything also went through so perfectly that I know without a shadow of a doubt that God opened this door for a reason. My friends I do not believe in coincidence.
So, my best friend in the entire world is throwing me a shower next month. Will it be different? You bet it will not because she won't throw an amazing shower, but because there is no baby nor a hint of a bump. However, I cannot think of any other time in my marriage where things have been normal or according to plan, so why start now? Until next time, always Chasing Hope.
I know for a fact that God has a baby in mind for us, and who knows I could eat my words later on down the road. Not that it wouldn't be a new concept for me. Here is what I know. When we do get that glorious call to rush to the hospital, I want to be ready. It could be that we are picked and have time to wait, but I don't want to take a chance of getting that call and not being prepared. It just simply won't work for me and isn't in my personality.
There have been several people mention about not being chosen or coming up babyless for lack of a better word. This was another endless conversation in my head too and one that I try hard not to think about. When we signed on with Angel I felt a calm like I've never felt in all the years we spent trying to conceive. Everything also went through so perfectly that I know without a shadow of a doubt that God opened this door for a reason. My friends I do not believe in coincidence.
So, my best friend in the entire world is throwing me a shower next month. Will it be different? You bet it will not because she won't throw an amazing shower, but because there is no baby nor a hint of a bump. However, I cannot think of any other time in my marriage where things have been normal or according to plan, so why start now? Until next time, always Chasing Hope.
Monday, September 28, 2015
There Are These Boys ...
I have re-written this post at least three times trying to express my true feelings about my boys. On April 3 2012, life as I knew it was about to completely change forever. That was the day that my first nephew H was born, and the day I became an aunt. In addition to that independent three year old, I have three other ornery nephews who always seem to brighten up my darkest of days.
When I discovered that I was going to be an aunt again, I could not imagine how there would be enough room to love another baby like I did with H. It's truly amazing how God set up the human heart to grow as others come into our lives. With the arrival of nephew number two N (to quote my favorite Christmas movie The Grinch) my heart grew three sizes on that early spring morning.
I remember the day that both of the oldest boys began to call me by my name. With H we practiced all the time. These were my pre-teaching years and I babysat quite a bit and every time he would come over I would say my name over and over until he picked it up. It wasn't as easy with N, I eventually had to bribe him with little Hostess donuts before he would say my name. The last two (G and P) haven't turned one yet and can't talk; I guess I will give them a little longer to practice.
I love each of my boys equally, but the last two saved me in a way. You see they were both born on a cold February day within three days of each other. It was a chaotic week for our family and a little nerve racking for me. Just two weeks before I received the worst news of my life, that Peanut wouldn't get to meet his cousins. To be honest I was so scared to even go to the hospital to see my new nephews. However, I serve an amazing God who in times of sorrow takes something rotten and transforms it into something beautiful. Going to see my new sweet boys, fixed every broken part of my heart. To this day I just love to see them both growing and smiling.
I know I don't have much time with my boys now, as they are growing up way too fast. I couldn't imagine a life without block throwing, big wheel racing, wrestling, big hugs and even sticky kisses. This post may sound a little braggy (if that's not a word it is now) ,but I have the best nephews in the whole world. Each of my boys are different, and I couldn't love them any more. Until next time, always Chasing Hope.
When I discovered that I was going to be an aunt again, I could not imagine how there would be enough room to love another baby like I did with H. It's truly amazing how God set up the human heart to grow as others come into our lives. With the arrival of nephew number two N (to quote my favorite Christmas movie The Grinch) my heart grew three sizes on that early spring morning.
I remember the day that both of the oldest boys began to call me by my name. With H we practiced all the time. These were my pre-teaching years and I babysat quite a bit and every time he would come over I would say my name over and over until he picked it up. It wasn't as easy with N, I eventually had to bribe him with little Hostess donuts before he would say my name. The last two (G and P) haven't turned one yet and can't talk; I guess I will give them a little longer to practice.
I love each of my boys equally, but the last two saved me in a way. You see they were both born on a cold February day within three days of each other. It was a chaotic week for our family and a little nerve racking for me. Just two weeks before I received the worst news of my life, that Peanut wouldn't get to meet his cousins. To be honest I was so scared to even go to the hospital to see my new nephews. However, I serve an amazing God who in times of sorrow takes something rotten and transforms it into something beautiful. Going to see my new sweet boys, fixed every broken part of my heart. To this day I just love to see them both growing and smiling.
I know I don't have much time with my boys now, as they are growing up way too fast. I couldn't imagine a life without block throwing, big wheel racing, wrestling, big hugs and even sticky kisses. This post may sound a little braggy (if that's not a word it is now) ,but I have the best nephews in the whole world. Each of my boys are different, and I couldn't love them any more. Until next time, always Chasing Hope.
Friday, September 11, 2015
Hurry Up & Wait
I can't believe it's already September. It's a little sad that August only saw two measly posts. I will say that with school starting and finishing our home study my hands were at times literally tied. Within the next few weeks we will be home study ready. This means at any point we could be called to either meet a birthmother who has a due date or a birthmother has picked us and we need to go to the hospital as soon as we can to meet our angel. We have come to the part that I have dreaded since we made the decision to adopt, the waiting period. For the last 3 months or so we've been busting our butts to prepare for the home study, and now that it's over I am not sure what to do with myself.
The obvious is to get our nursery ready, which means shopping, darn the luck. Once the nursery is ready what do I do? I have had so many people tell me that they are praying for us and that means so much to us. Others have added that we won't be waiting long before we have that sweet baby home, and I can't help but plaster on my fake smile, sigh, and say, "yeah maybe".
When the truth is that we could get a call in 6 months, a year from now, or (I pray it doesn't come to this) 2 years from now. We just don't know and I really do appreciate everyone's positive attitude towards us. But I've also been on the side of wanting a child for so long that most of those cute dreams begin to fade away. I hate to always be a Debbie Downer but I HAVE to stay on this side of things so I don't break my own heart. Every time we have been to the beach I dream of what it would be like to be chasing around a child who upon getting to the waters edge and sees the waves runs back to Chase or me. Yet, every trip back, every year back is another reminder that my dream is just that a dream.
At times, I feel so jaded by our experience that I can't get past some of the emotional stuff and let me tell you I hate emotional stuff. For now we will finish our nursery, keep fundraising, may be run a 5K or two to pass the time and wait for the day when we will be parents. Until next time, always Chasing Hope.
The obvious is to get our nursery ready, which means shopping, darn the luck. Once the nursery is ready what do I do? I have had so many people tell me that they are praying for us and that means so much to us. Others have added that we won't be waiting long before we have that sweet baby home, and I can't help but plaster on my fake smile, sigh, and say, "yeah maybe".
When the truth is that we could get a call in 6 months, a year from now, or (I pray it doesn't come to this) 2 years from now. We just don't know and I really do appreciate everyone's positive attitude towards us. But I've also been on the side of wanting a child for so long that most of those cute dreams begin to fade away. I hate to always be a Debbie Downer but I HAVE to stay on this side of things so I don't break my own heart. Every time we have been to the beach I dream of what it would be like to be chasing around a child who upon getting to the waters edge and sees the waves runs back to Chase or me. Yet, every trip back, every year back is another reminder that my dream is just that a dream.
At times, I feel so jaded by our experience that I can't get past some of the emotional stuff and let me tell you I hate emotional stuff. For now we will finish our nursery, keep fundraising, may be run a 5K or two to pass the time and wait for the day when we will be parents. Until next time, always Chasing Hope.
Monday, September 7, 2015
Scattered Toys
Being an aunt comes with many jobs. The one that I take very seriously is making sure my boys have something to play with when they come over to our house. I don't keep a ton of toys, but enough that we can play for a few hours while I babysit. I also added old cell phones and you would have thought that I went out a bought the newest, coolest toy from Toys-R-Us. Well, I guess in a way I did, that's what kids love anyway, right? It's always funny to see who they will call, Mommy, Daddy, or at times Uncle Chase. Both of my older nephews know exactly where I keep the toy box and run straight for it when they get to my house.
There have been a couple times that the toys have been left out. I know their parents are cringing at this post, but to me it represents something more. For at least a day or more I leave the toys scattered around the floor. It reminds me of something to look forward to when we do have children. Now every parent that is reading this is rolling their eyes and possibly looking around their house at the scattered toys and saying what a nut job I am. The way I look at it, is simply this, what will the child remember more your spotless house or that time when every toy in the house was played with in one night? The child is me is rooting for the second option.
I have always been a fairly neat person and like when things are picked up. However, these scattered toys help me to look forward to a messy house where there is love and a whole lot of playing going on. It also reminds me of a sign that I need to purchase which says," Please excuse the mess, the children are making memories." As parents isn't that what we are really trying to make with our children, memories? I pray that is what will be happening in our house in the near future. Until next time, always Chasing Hope and leaving the toys everywhere.
There have been a couple times that the toys have been left out. I know their parents are cringing at this post, but to me it represents something more. For at least a day or more I leave the toys scattered around the floor. It reminds me of something to look forward to when we do have children. Now every parent that is reading this is rolling their eyes and possibly looking around their house at the scattered toys and saying what a nut job I am. The way I look at it, is simply this, what will the child remember more your spotless house or that time when every toy in the house was played with in one night? The child is me is rooting for the second option.
I have always been a fairly neat person and like when things are picked up. However, these scattered toys help me to look forward to a messy house where there is love and a whole lot of playing going on. It also reminds me of a sign that I need to purchase which says," Please excuse the mess, the children are making memories." As parents isn't that what we are really trying to make with our children, memories? I pray that is what will be happening in our house in the near future. Until next time, always Chasing Hope and leaving the toys everywhere.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)