My Respected RE

     The Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE for short) specializes in exactly what it says reproduction.  In terms you and I can understand they help and try to figure out why you aren't getting pregnant.  For most people the name alone is intimidating, but for those who are actually struggling to get pregnant it can be even scarier.  
     On November 15, 2014, I went to see my RE for the first time.  My ob. was releasing me to a specialist, basically saying we don't know what's wrong with you but they might.  Their office called over to the RE's office and gave them my name and information.  So, here Chase and I go over to St. Louis to Washington University Hospital.  By this time I had talked to the receptionist to make the initial appointment, I learned that my doctors name was Dr. Kenan Omurtag.  My first thought was I hope that I can understand what he is saying to me, after all with a last name like Omurtag, he had to be a foreign doctor.  Now, don't think I'm against foreign doctors, I'm not, I just want to be able to understand what is going on with me. 
     We arrive at our appointment a little late, and I'm a nervous wreck because I HATE being late to things plus it didn't help that the GPS didn't take us to the right place the first time.  We find the floor and ride the elevator up and walk in.  We waited for what seemed like hours to be called back.  Then finally Kendra Hyde gets called back (insert eye roll, stand, smile and follow the nurse).  She takes me to this little room and gets my weight (ugh), height, and finally blood pressure.  Mind you, in this same room is where they draw blood; I'm terrified of needles (not anymore they broke me of my fear).  She takes my blood pressure and tells me it's high.  Honestly, when they take it and tell me what it is, I always nod like I have a clue what a "good" blood pressure is.  She asks if everything is ok, and I look over at the needles and muster that I am nervous about the appointment.  She quickly tells me to relax and we talk about something mindless and this time its back to "normal" whatever that is. 
     Now, it's time to meet the doc.  My palms are sweating and I can't breathe when in walks this white Doogie Howser.  I am somewhat shocked and wasn't expecting someone so young let alone an American with such a last name.  We soon begin talking and he starts mapping out our plan his action.  When we finally close he looks at me and says we will make this happen for you. 
     Since that first nerve wracking day, I have come to trust not only Dr. O (for short) but his staff as well.  Every time I call with a question they always get right back to me.  At each visit I felt like a queen.  Dr. O takes time and answers any questions we had.  I  have never felt like I'm just another patient or number that he has to see that day.  When going to one of our countless procedures one of the female doctors in practice with him did the IUIs.  To be honest I am very grateful for that, not only are the procedures incredibly awkward but it's a little embarrassing.  The last IUI that we had, it seems like it was yesterday, we met briefly with Dr. O and I remember listening but not mentally being there.  It was like I was already willing my body to catch the egg.  Right before we left he looked me right in the eye and grabbed my hand in a firm hand shake and said, "Kenda, we will make this happen."  At that moment I wanted to cry and hug him at the same time, even if it would have been awkward. 
     When we found out we were expecting our first I called to schedule an appointment for labs and an ultrasound.  After successful labs and seeing our peanut for the first time we went in for a short follow up talk.  He said that peanut and I looked healthy and released us back to my ob.  However, right before we left, I will never for get this, he told me to call if I needed anything that we would ALWAYS be his patients even if he didn't initially aid in getting me pregnant (which I believe isn't true without his knowledge and medication choices I don't think I would have conceived at all).  He said to keep him posted and definitely send him a picture of peanut when he came.  Then when we had our miscarriage I called to let Dr. O know and ask what we should do now.  The FIRST thing the nurse said was we are so sorry the doctor wants to see you soon to discuss what should happen next. 
     I've read and heard from so many women who have had horrible experiences with their RE's.  I just wanted in to go on record here that I have the best RE around.   Infertility is a nasty road, but with the right people in your corner it makes all the difference in the world.  Until next time, always Chasing Hope. 

What is Love?

     With the Valentine's Day holiday creeping up on us, I thought I would lighten this blog up a bit.  After all, infertility isn't that much fun to talk about all the time.  So, with the title in mind, what is love?  The nerdy teacher in me will define it for you: love (n) a profound tender affection for another person.  My husband and I have been married almost 5 years, and I have never known a love could be so deep.  As I think back to when we first met, our engagement, and even our wedding day, I knew there wasn't any way humanly possible that I could love this man any more than I do now.  As usual, I was wrong. 
     We have been through an innumerable amount of tests in our marriage already.  This last bump mountain in the road really made us take a look at our relationship.  Could this major obstacle really kill our marriage?  I have read and heard about countless couples who struggle with starting a family and actually end up getting a divorce.  This breaks my heart, but as we took an even deeper look at our relationship we realized it will never be the case for us.  In fact, I feel our relationship getting stronger by the day.  That doesn't mean that it is perfect, but we were given some great advise before we were married that I want to share it with you. 
     When we were going through marriage counseling, our wise pastor gave the perfect analogy of marriage and divorce.  He said, divorce is like the hatch on a submarine, if you leave the hatch open the sub will sink.  Meaning if you go into the relationship thinking that there is a way out, then you have already set yourself up for failure.  However, if you just close the hatch (divorce isn't an option) then it doesn't matter what kind of murky or troubled waters you pass through, you will make it out alright.  Whose not to say that there won't be bumps and bruises along the way, but at least you still have each other.  It never has been an option for us, nor will it ever be. 
     Now, to the real meat of this post.  What I think love is, since we know the definition, I can tell you what love looks like to me.  It's sitting at home on a Friday night watching a movie next to a warm fire in our pajamas.  It's going camping and having it rain ALL weekend, but still having a great time anyway.  It's having your car break down on your way to Florida, and being stuck in a small garage waiting for it to get fixed while keeping each other calm the whole time.  It's watching the man you love shower love and affection on your nephews and know that he WILL make a great daddy one day.  (You thought something else didn't you, shame on you this is a family friendly blog)  It's planning our retirement and where we will go once we are retired.  It's going out to show off the man you married and wanting to say, sorry ladies he's ALL mine.  It's knowing what the other person is thinking right before they say it (which can be incredibly scary at times).  It's helping each other with the house chores because, face it, there is nothing sexier than coming home after a long day to a load of laundry that's been done or better yet the dishwasher is completely empty.  It's not having to say anything at all, yet the other person knows exactly how much you love them.  It's experiencing some of the hardest times of your life, yet knowing that with your true love by your side nothing (not even infertility) could tear you apart.  I could ramble on for hours, but I won't because you're probably already rolling your eyes.  ;)
     I know I still have a lot to learn about marriage and love, however, I have to say I think we have a pretty good start, no matter what is thrown our way.  Our profound, tender affection will last until were old, and he's gray because, let's face it, I will dye my hair until the day I die.  Happy Love Day everyone and until next time, always Chasing Hope. 

Infertility IS a Real Thing

     For me, this post has been a long time coming.  I want to give the facts about infertility.  The definition of infertility, as defined by the CDC, is not being able to get pregnant after ONE year of unprotected sex.  This means that anything past one year can result in seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE for short).  So, since the CDC recognizes it as a medical condition so do I.  No amount of "relaxing", "not worrying about it", or even "putting your legs up" will fix the problem.  I will say that the first year we spent trying, we did relax and have fun.  However, at some point you start to think that something is wrong with you, and you get scared.  After all having children and getting pregnant should be the easiest thing in the world.  If only that were the case. 
     I find it utterly shocking that 1 in 10 women ages 15-44, in just the United States, have a difficult time getting pregnant.  As most of you that will be reading this know, there are several steps in the process of getting pregnant.  1). A woman’s body must release an egg from one of her ovaries (ovulation).  2). A man's sperm must join with the egg along the way (fertilize).  3). The fertilized egg must go through a fallopian tube toward the uterus  (womb).  4). The fertilized egg must attach to the inside of the uterus (implantation).  So at any point something could go wrong.  There are also other factors that can contribute to infertility like: irregular periods or no periods, painful periods, endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease, or more than one miscarriage.  All of this information is from the CDC.gov website if you would like to take a look.  After all, I am an English teacher, and I teach my students to give credit where credit is due, so I will do the same. :)
     Now, a little back story about yours truly.  I'm pretty sure I fall into the category of irregular periods.  When I was younger, in Jr. High, I started having a period early on.  Not the regular every 28-32 days with about a week of bleeding.  I'm talking at least 2 weeks of bleeding with mind blowing cramping.  Doctors finally helped the issue by putting me on a form of birth control (unknown to me at the time, and honestly, I think my mother was scared to tell me what I was on for fear I would go wild).  This helped and made me regular and I didn't need birth control again until I turned 18. 
     Fast forward several years, a wedding later, and my amazing husband and I are ready to have children.  I go off of the pill and discover that I didn't have a period on my own.  By that I mean I didn't bleed for 90 days; talk about a long cycle.  After months of semi-normal cycles, tracking my ovulation, and timing intercourse, we had had enough.  We finally talked to the doctor about our options and they led us to a simpler solution, medicine.  When I was first put on the ovulation medication, we had been trying for a little over a year.  It seemed like every cycle was a gamble, would it work or would we have wasted, yet again, another month.  Finally, we had our answer in the spring of '14, my ovulation kit spiked and I almost cried.  It was the first positive test I had ever taken.  Trust me after peeing on 15 plus pregnancy tests and always getting a negative, a positive anything will lift your sprits. 
     With all of this being said, I just want it to be known that infertility is a medical condition.  After all, you wouldn't tell someone who has cancer that they need to relax.  NO, you would pray that they see the best doctors and get the best possible treatment out there.  Infertility isn't any different.  I found this funny, but depressing, definition on Pinterest that I had to share.  Infertility (n): a medical condition that diminishes self-esteem, your social life, as well as checking and savings accounts.  It causes sudden urges to pee on sticks, cry, scream, and a fear of pregnancy announcements: treated by a medical specialist who you pay to knock you up (this does not always work).  Until next time, always Chasing Hope.