My Sweetest Peanut,
It has been over 10 weeks since I heard the worst phrase of my life that we wouldn't get to meet. Life (much to my surprise) has been moving along, but at times ever so slowly. For me there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you. By this time we would have been able to find out if you were a boy or girl. To be honest I still think we wouldn't have wanted to know. I would have been over joyed at the thought of a little boy or girl so why not wait a little longer to find out when you would make your debut in August. Sadly, we won't get to find out.
Then there are over a million questions that I always tend to think about. Would you have mommies brown hair or daddies pretty green eyes? Would you be jumping up and down on my bladder or just content to be mellow and to go where the uterus takes you? Would you deny me certain foods or not be able to get enough of others? How far would my belly be sticking out? There are so many questions that will never get answered.
I often imagine how it would still be if your racing heart was beating right under mine. By this time your OCD mommy would have your nursery decorated and almost organized. I know for a fact that some of your aunts would have bought things for you and I know one might have already had your baby shower planned. There would be a mountain of clothes waiting for you from friends or family. By the time you were to arrive your crazy cousins would be used to all the baby noise so one more wouldn't hurt. If you were a boy your Uncle Joey could have had his starting 5, and if you were a girl, well, let's just say your cousins wouldn't let you date, ever. And your crazy grandma would be talking more to you than she would to me (sorry mom, you know I'm right).
Some days I find it almost impossible to get out of bed. Others have moved on, but my sweet peanut I cannot. I will forever wonder how different things would have been if you were still growing under my heart. Oh, how I wish God hadn't taken you from me so soon. I do find rest that you're being rocked to sleep by an angel in heaven. One of these days my little peanut we will get to meet face to face and I count the days until we do. Until then, know that you are always on my mind and in my heart.
All My Love,
Mommy
Chasing Hope Choosing Joy
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Sunday, March 29, 2015
The First Week of April
Ah, the first week in April, it holds so many new beginnings for many. As the flowers begin to bloom and the snow melts away, the promise of spring is in the air. For us the first week in April is very special in several different ways.
On April 4, 2009, life as I knew it was about to change forever. That's the day that I met my loving husband Chase. It was a Saturday, and my cousin and her husband had set me up on a blind date. At the time I was 19 and going on a date with an older more mature man. I was so nervous. The entire week I searched for a "mature "outfit, one that didn't give everything away. After all my track record for dating losers and or jerks was very high. So, this time should be different and boy was it. The date went smoothly or so I thought. After talking to Chase later he said that he thought we would never talk again because he was told I was very talkative and I really didn't say much on the actual date. I wanted to make a good impression and if he saw the true me he might run for the hills. Upon coming home that night I knew I had to find out more about this kind, quiet, and super hot man. And the rest my friends is history.
Fast forward to April 3, 2012, and Chase and I are waiting in the hospital for our first nephew to arrive. After waiting around for him to show up (granted we sat in the waiting room for 2 days, going home at night, making sure he wasn't going to come until morning) he was born at around 8:00 pm. Once mommy and baby were settled, we were cleared to go see them. I fell in love instantly, and we've been best friends ever since.
That was also the day that I knew we should start trying to start our family. I have always wanted to be a mom even before I started playing teacher. Yes, I played teacher. So much so that I would bring home old text books from school and teach my baby dolls how to read. Seeing my sweet, tiny nephew was the last straw, I knew it was time. Iwanted want what I saw that day, a happy family.
This month that sweet little nephew turns 3, where has the time gone? There are always mixed emotions for me this time of year. As each year ticks by I can't help but think, will this be our year? Will we finally get to be parents? Oh, how I wish I knew. At times I wish God would send a big booming voice, an email, text message, or even a letter and tell us when things will happen in our lives. If this were true then where would our faith come into play? With that being said, I guess I will go back to what I have done for the past 3 years now: wait impatiently, pray like crazy, and hope our sweet baby arrives someday. Until next time friends, always Chasing Hope.
On April 4, 2009, life as I knew it was about to change forever. That's the day that I met my loving husband Chase. It was a Saturday, and my cousin and her husband had set me up on a blind date. At the time I was 19 and going on a date with an older more mature man. I was so nervous. The entire week I searched for a "mature "outfit, one that didn't give everything away. After all my track record for dating losers and or jerks was very high. So, this time should be different and boy was it. The date went smoothly or so I thought. After talking to Chase later he said that he thought we would never talk again because he was told I was very talkative and I really didn't say much on the actual date. I wanted to make a good impression and if he saw the true me he might run for the hills. Upon coming home that night I knew I had to find out more about this kind, quiet, and super hot man. And the rest my friends is history.
Fast forward to April 3, 2012, and Chase and I are waiting in the hospital for our first nephew to arrive. After waiting around for him to show up (granted we sat in the waiting room for 2 days, going home at night, making sure he wasn't going to come until morning) he was born at around 8:00 pm. Once mommy and baby were settled, we were cleared to go see them. I fell in love instantly, and we've been best friends ever since.
That was also the day that I knew we should start trying to start our family. I have always wanted to be a mom even before I started playing teacher. Yes, I played teacher. So much so that I would bring home old text books from school and teach my baby dolls how to read. Seeing my sweet, tiny nephew was the last straw, I knew it was time. I
This month that sweet little nephew turns 3, where has the time gone? There are always mixed emotions for me this time of year. As each year ticks by I can't help but think, will this be our year? Will we finally get to be parents? Oh, how I wish I knew. At times I wish God would send a big booming voice, an email, text message, or even a letter and tell us when things will happen in our lives. If this were true then where would our faith come into play? With that being said, I guess I will go back to what I have done for the past 3 years now: wait impatiently, pray like crazy, and hope our sweet baby arrives someday. Until next time friends, always Chasing Hope.
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