How Quickly Others Forget

My Sweetest Peanut,
     It has been over 10 weeks since I heard the worst phrase of my life that we wouldn't get to meet.  Life (much to my surprise) has been moving along, but at times ever so slowly.  For me there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you.  By this time we would have been able to find out if you were a boy or girl.  To be honest I still think we wouldn't have wanted to know.  I would have been over joyed at the thought of a little boy or girl so why not wait a little longer to find out when you would make your debut in August.  Sadly, we won't get to find out. 
     Then there are over a million questions that I always tend to think about.  Would you have mommies brown hair or daddies pretty green eyes?  Would you be jumping up and down on my bladder or just content to be mellow and to go where the uterus takes you?  Would you deny me certain foods or not be able to get enough of others?  How far would my belly be sticking out?  There are so many questions that will never get answered. 
     I often imagine how it would still be if your racing heart was beating right under mine.  By this time your OCD mommy would have your nursery decorated and almost organized.  I know for a fact that some of your aunts would have bought things for you and I know one might have already had your baby shower planned.  There would be a mountain of clothes waiting for you from friends or family.  By the time you were to arrive your crazy cousins would be used to all the baby noise so one more wouldn't hurt.  If you were a boy your Uncle Joey could have had his starting 5, and if you were a girl, well, let's just say your cousins wouldn't let you date, ever.  And your crazy grandma would be talking more to you than she would to me (sorry mom, you know I'm right). 
     Some days I find it almost impossible to get out of bed.  Others have moved on, but my sweet peanut I cannot.  I will forever wonder how different things would have been if you were still growing under my heart.  Oh, how I wish God hadn't taken you from me so soon.  I do find rest that you're being rocked to sleep by an angel in heaven.  One of these days my little peanut we will get to meet face to face and I count the days until we do.  Until then, know that you are always on my mind and in my heart. 
                      All My Love,
                      Mommy