Possible

      The first day of February started out like any other day.  Well, a day that I had taken off from school at least.  The night before I had been feeling very dizzy and nauseous.  Since I still had a few sick days left, I just called in to take it easy.  I had been working really hard lately with my thriving business as well as teaching during the day.  Naturally, I thought I had just pushed too hard, and my body was telling me to slow down.  On more than one occasion during my Sunday school class, the ladies have talked about pushing your body to the limits, and when you do, God will slow you down.  Maybe this was one of those times, and He was trying to teach this hard-headed woman another lesson.
     He was teaching me a lesson alright.  Let's put a pin in that story for a second.  (I promise I'll come back and it will all flow together.  The English teacher in me will make sure of it.)  Back at the beginning of the new year 2017, there was a great deal of talk on social media about choosing a word to define the year.  Thinking it might not be a bad idea I scoured the internet looking for a word that I would choose for my own this year.  The word I chose was POSSIBLE.  Having my word, I emailed my favorite cuff designer, Liz Taylor, to inscribe the word on a beautiful cuff as a visual reminder (I am defiantly a visual person).  After the last few months I needed a little attitude adjustment.  I had some big dreams for myself, my new business, and my slowly growing family.  Matthew 19:26 came into my thoughts constantly; which says, "Jesus said, "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible'."  With the past year we had I needed something new and fresh to start my year.  What better way than reminding myself that the God who created the heavens and the earth loves me and with Him anything is truly possible.
     Back to my day off, I rested a good portion of the day and decided it was time to get up and moving.  On a whim I decided to take a pregnancy test.  I always keep a few lying around the house just to rule that out (after years of waiting and testing, one never knows when you might want to test).  Having only one test I sat down to take it.  Wouldn't know you that sucker read positive.  Now I'll shamefully admit that my first thought was not joy, it was pure irritation.  Irritated that I bought a cheap test and now it was reading a wrong answer.  It took me about 5 minutes to call Chase and ask him to bring home more tests; preferably the expensive kind and lots.
     While waiting for Chase to get off work and come home, I remember praying that if it is a false positive that we would be shown.  I wasn't ready to lose another baby.  With tears in my eyes I asked God to take control.  When Chase arrived home and I took the next 2 tests (just to make sure I wasn't losing my mind completely) and they both were positive, I think we both sat in shock for a while.  My mind began to run wild with different possibilities and situations.  As quickly as they came I had to shut them down.  I would lose sleep thinking about it and probably did those first few weeks.
     To be completely honest, I don't think I started breathing normally until after we reached the 12 weeks.  I still don't think that it has really sunk in that I'm pregnant and I'm close to the half way mark. The reality of this pregnancy still throws me off most days.  This has been a hard fought dream and it still feels like just that, a dream.  My heart rate still rises when a new unknown pain or ache comes on.  The only thing that I can think is, "is this it, will we lose this baby too".  The only thing I ever cling to is hope.  Hope and faith that God has this and always will.  After all with God all things are possible.  Until next time friends, always Chasing Hope.

Blowing Off the Cobwebs

     I cannot believe it has been almost a year since my last post.  Deleting old posts and starting completely fresh seemed to be the best option to revive this blog.  Things have drastically changed in the past year for my little family.
     In April 2016, I opened my own clothing boutique with LuLaRoe.  What started out as a way for me to stay busy during the summer and make a little extra money for my little family turned into this living breathing organism.  Fire caught and I became one busy chick.
     With summer coming rather quickly and the school year drawing to a close, I wanted to get back to writing.  Writing has been a great vessel for me to jot down my thoughts through this process of starting our family.  I never wanted it to only focus on the positives (unicorns and sunshine) of our journey because quite frankly that's not how life works.  I wanted it to be real and raw.
     To be honest the other reason I went on a little hiatus was due to the fact that I didn't know what to write anymore.  I have always felt the same during this process with a little growth along the way.  Nothing new ever jumped into my brain and quite frankly I didn't want to begin repeating myself.  After all who wants to read the same material over and over again?  I wouldn't and I don't expect you would either.  There have been times when I knew I needed to open up blogger again and pour out some feelings.  However, it had been so long I wasn't sure I would still be able to.  But the word "quit" isn't in my vocabulary.  So sit back, relax, read and please share if you know someone who this blog might help.  As always Chasing Hope.