There have been so many days where I am just exhausted by the ever winding road we are traveling down. Moments that creep up on me where I am overwhelmed by the hopelessness of ever becoming a mother. Thoughts of always having an empty home and an unfilled nursery. Such toxic thoughts that only take a bigger, darker shape as you sit and truly think about your situation.
Several weeks ago, I was down in that dark pit of depression, when we had just received our first report from Angel regarding our live profile. At this point, they are able to show any birthmother our profile. Well the report yielded 1 viewing (an actual hard paper copy) and 68 internet views. In a recent post, I attached our link to Angel so everyone could see it online. I am so thankful that some of you did. However, I don't feel that one potential mother looked at us in the month of October. By being home study ready, I just knew that more doors would be opened and more mothers would be able to look at our profile.
The email came on a Thursday; therefore, I had all weekend to stew and wallow in my self-pity. Several times I prayed for God to really help me find joy in life because I knew it sure hadn't been any place that I was looking. On Monday morning, I sat down to do my devotion and find that my Sunday school workbook was in the car. Always having a back-up plan, I grabbed the October edition of our women's devotional. I flipped to the actual date, Monday, October 26 and looked at the title, "The Foundation of Joy" and immediately felt goose bumps rising on my body. My friends there is no such thing as coincidence, it's God. The scripture fit perfectly, as it always does, from Psalm 16:11 saying, "You reveal the path of life to me; in YOUR presence is abundant joy; in YOUR right hand are eternal pleasures."
The devotion goes on to ask if some of life's circumstances are creating killjoys for you. Wow, that hit the nail right on the head. There are so many times where the things of life and our journey to have a family have depleted all of my joy. However, God never intended for those circumstances to be the foundation of our joy. Only in Him will we find joy and everlasting happiness, pleasure, and goodness. Friends these are not my words I could never put together something so beautiful and poetic, all of it comes from God. As we face the difficult situations in life (and you know we will), we should look to our Lord who is so much bigger and stronger than the trials of life. The devotion always ends with a "Steps of Faith" prayer. I loved this one so much that I wrote it down in my bible. I am not a person who usually goes for a wrote prayer but this one sums up what I need to say to God everyday. Heavenly Father, may I not allow the circumstances of this life dictate my joy. Give me the grace to remember that true, everlasting joy is found in knowing You. Help me to make You the joy and treasure of my heart now and always.
What is stealing your joy? I know I am not the only one who lets life get the best of her sometimes. Since reading that devotion, I pray that prayer every morning. On days that I get in a hurry and forget, I can tell that I have missed something. Life begins to drag me down. Remember that true joy doesn't come from anything that we could ever do or say; true joy comes from our God who loves us and wants us to find that joy in Him. Until next time friends, always Chasing Hope & Choosing Joy, true joy.
No comments:
Post a Comment