The Waiting Game

     Of all the hurdles we have had to jump through in the last three years, I have found the wait time of our adoption to be the most excruciating experience.  With our infertility journey, each new cycle presented itself with a method or steps to follow. 

1.  Begin cycle and track days
2.  Take meds cycle days 3-7
3.  Begin tracking ovulation on day 10
4.  On peak day have fun (or try to)
5.  Day 17 head to the lab for blood work to ensure of an ovulation serge 
6.  Wait until period begins (which is always inevitable)
7.  Cry, eat chocolate, call the doctor for more meds
8.  Repeat 
    
     Adoption, on the other hand, is a whole different ball game.  In the beginning it was stressful.  All the paperwork, making sure you have the correct forms, interviews, home visits and so much more were enough to push anyone off the deep end.  What I wasn't prepared for was the endless wait.  There is nothing to do.  We are at the mercy of the agency and potential birthmothers. 
     Just the other day I sent an email to Angel asking almost begging for something to be able to do.  I knew the answer to my foolish question was that we just had to wait, but I wanted to make sure.  I also know that our agency deals with a large amount of people, and there are other couples who have been waiting longer than we have.  She reminded me that we have only been waiting for 5 months and that the average wait time is 11-18 months.  I'm not going to lie and say that I wasn't irritated.  I was a little ticked.  Yes, we have only been waiting 5 short months with you but that does not discount the years we have been waiting to become parents. 
     I am getting so tired of "waiting".  As of this moment we have been waiting to have a child for 3 years and 9 months.  Friends, cousins, and so many others have had children some even lapping me having their second child.  Here I sit with empty arms and a broken heart.  It seems like this period of my life will never end.  This post won't end with a good feeling or word to the wise because frankly I'm not very wise.  It will just simply end with what I have come to see as a period that might never end for me, the wait.  Until next time, always Chasing Hope.