My Worst Day Re-lived

     The day that we found out our Peanut wasn't with us anymore will always be engrained in my brain until I go meet my Savior.  There are certain vivid memories that I can recall at this very moment such as: what I was wearing (it now sits in the rummage sale pile), the doctors tone of voice, the numbness I felt after hearing those words, and the song I kept singing over and over in my head on the way home. 
     Follow me for a minute.  At our little Christian school we have a chapel service every Friday.  When you walk in the school on Friday morning you can feel the positive energy of everyone before chapel even starts.  We have an amazing Kindergarten teacher who sings and plays piano like an angel.  The music we sing ranges from lively children's songs to more adult contemporary Christian songs like "We Believe" by the Newsboys. 
     I love singing both types of songs.  However, the song that I sang the day we learned about our Peanut wasn't some deep profound song but a child's song.  The song title was "My God is So Big" and it was only the chorus that I could sing or really remember, it goes like this: My "God is so big so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do".  At that moment I needed my big God to wrap His arms around His child and constantly remind her of His love in the midst of the worst moment of her life.  In addition to singing that song, I had terrible thoughts about not wanting to go on any longer.  How on earth could I continue when my baby was taken away from me? 
     It wasn't until today when I was reading The Sweet Side of Suffering by M. Esther Lovejoy (more on this amazing book later) that I realized we all need to be reminded of the simpler things that God shows us.  In one of the sections she is talking about how we need to still be reminded that God sees the big picture and that our minds can't wrap around what He has up His sleeve.  She says that people always talk about all they ever needed to know they learned in Kindergarten.  However, she wants to write a book entitled all I ever needed to know I learned in beginner church.  The simple things like "Jesus Loves Me", and sharing are what we teach children in Sunday school.  What an amazing reminder for some of our suffering that we need to look back at those simple things. 
     I knew that cold January day our lives were changed forever.  What I didn't know was that I would learn about so many other miscarriages from friends and loved ones.  I had no clue the doors would be pushed wide open for us to adopt our first little angel.  He knows best.  My God is so big so strong and so mighty, and there's NOTHING my God cannot do.  Until next time, always Chasing Hope.