I have re-written this post at least three times trying to express my true feelings about my boys. On April 3 2012, life as I knew it was about to completely change forever. That was the day that my first nephew H was born, and the day I became an aunt. In addition to that independent three year old, I have three other ornery nephews who always seem to brighten up my darkest of days.
When I discovered that I was going to be an aunt again, I could not imagine how there would be enough room to love another baby like I did with H. It's truly amazing how God set up the human heart to grow as others come into our lives. With the arrival of nephew number two N (to quote my favorite Christmas movie The Grinch) my heart grew three sizes on that early spring morning.
I remember the day that both of the oldest boys began to call me by my name. With H we practiced all the time. These were my pre-teaching years and I babysat quite a bit and every time he would come over I would say my name over and over until he picked it up. It wasn't as easy with N, I eventually had to bribe him with little Hostess donuts before he would say my name. The last two (G and P) haven't turned one yet and can't talk; I guess I will give them a little longer to practice.
I love each of my boys equally, but the last two saved me in a way. You see they were both born on a cold February day within three days of each other. It was a chaotic week for our family and a little nerve racking for me. Just two weeks before I received the worst news of my life, that Peanut wouldn't get to meet his cousins. To be honest I was so scared to even go to the hospital to see my new nephews. However, I serve an amazing God who in times of sorrow takes something rotten and transforms it into something beautiful. Going to see my new sweet boys, fixed every broken part of my heart. To this day I just love to see them both growing and smiling.
I know I don't have much time with my boys now, as they are growing up way too fast. I couldn't imagine a life without block throwing, big wheel racing, wrestling, big hugs and even sticky kisses. This post may sound a little braggy (if that's not a word it is now) ,but I have the best nephews in the whole world. Each of my boys are different, and I couldn't love them any more. Until next time, always Chasing Hope.
Chasing Hope Choosing Joy
Monday, September 28, 2015
Friday, September 11, 2015
Hurry Up & Wait
I can't believe it's already September. It's a little sad that August only saw two measly posts. I will say that with school starting and finishing our home study my hands were at times literally tied. Within the next few weeks we will be home study ready. This means at any point we could be called to either meet a birthmother who has a due date or a birthmother has picked us and we need to go to the hospital as soon as we can to meet our angel. We have come to the part that I have dreaded since we made the decision to adopt, the waiting period. For the last 3 months or so we've been busting our butts to prepare for the home study, and now that it's over I am not sure what to do with myself.
The obvious is to get our nursery ready, which means shopping, darn the luck. Once the nursery is ready what do I do? I have had so many people tell me that they are praying for us and that means so much to us. Others have added that we won't be waiting long before we have that sweet baby home, and I can't help but plaster on my fake smile, sigh, and say, "yeah maybe".
When the truth is that we could get a call in 6 months, a year from now, or (I pray it doesn't come to this) 2 years from now. We just don't know and I really do appreciate everyone's positive attitude towards us. But I've also been on the side of wanting a child for so long that most of those cute dreams begin to fade away. I hate to always be a Debbie Downer but I HAVE to stay on this side of things so I don't break my own heart. Every time we have been to the beach I dream of what it would be like to be chasing around a child who upon getting to the waters edge and sees the waves runs back to Chase or me. Yet, every trip back, every year back is another reminder that my dream is just that a dream.
At times, I feel so jaded by our experience that I can't get past some of the emotional stuff and let me tell you I hate emotional stuff. For now we will finish our nursery, keep fundraising, may be run a 5K or two to pass the time and wait for the day when we will be parents. Until next time, always Chasing Hope.
The obvious is to get our nursery ready, which means shopping, darn the luck. Once the nursery is ready what do I do? I have had so many people tell me that they are praying for us and that means so much to us. Others have added that we won't be waiting long before we have that sweet baby home, and I can't help but plaster on my fake smile, sigh, and say, "yeah maybe".
When the truth is that we could get a call in 6 months, a year from now, or (I pray it doesn't come to this) 2 years from now. We just don't know and I really do appreciate everyone's positive attitude towards us. But I've also been on the side of wanting a child for so long that most of those cute dreams begin to fade away. I hate to always be a Debbie Downer but I HAVE to stay on this side of things so I don't break my own heart. Every time we have been to the beach I dream of what it would be like to be chasing around a child who upon getting to the waters edge and sees the waves runs back to Chase or me. Yet, every trip back, every year back is another reminder that my dream is just that a dream.
At times, I feel so jaded by our experience that I can't get past some of the emotional stuff and let me tell you I hate emotional stuff. For now we will finish our nursery, keep fundraising, may be run a 5K or two to pass the time and wait for the day when we will be parents. Until next time, always Chasing Hope.
Monday, September 7, 2015
Scattered Toys
Being an aunt comes with many jobs. The one that I take very seriously is making sure my boys have something to play with when they come over to our house. I don't keep a ton of toys, but enough that we can play for a few hours while I babysit. I also added old cell phones and you would have thought that I went out a bought the newest, coolest toy from Toys-R-Us. Well, I guess in a way I did, that's what kids love anyway, right? It's always funny to see who they will call, Mommy, Daddy, or at times Uncle Chase. Both of my older nephews know exactly where I keep the toy box and run straight for it when they get to my house.
There have been a couple times that the toys have been left out. I know their parents are cringing at this post, but to me it represents something more. For at least a day or more I leave the toys scattered around the floor. It reminds me of something to look forward to when we do have children. Now every parent that is reading this is rolling their eyes and possibly looking around their house at the scattered toys and saying what a nut job I am. The way I look at it, is simply this, what will the child remember more your spotless house or that time when every toy in the house was played with in one night? The child is me is rooting for the second option.
I have always been a fairly neat person and like when things are picked up. However, these scattered toys help me to look forward to a messy house where there is love and a whole lot of playing going on. It also reminds me of a sign that I need to purchase which says," Please excuse the mess, the children are making memories." As parents isn't that what we are really trying to make with our children, memories? I pray that is what will be happening in our house in the near future. Until next time, always Chasing Hope and leaving the toys everywhere.
There have been a couple times that the toys have been left out. I know their parents are cringing at this post, but to me it represents something more. For at least a day or more I leave the toys scattered around the floor. It reminds me of something to look forward to when we do have children. Now every parent that is reading this is rolling their eyes and possibly looking around their house at the scattered toys and saying what a nut job I am. The way I look at it, is simply this, what will the child remember more your spotless house or that time when every toy in the house was played with in one night? The child is me is rooting for the second option.
I have always been a fairly neat person and like when things are picked up. However, these scattered toys help me to look forward to a messy house where there is love and a whole lot of playing going on. It also reminds me of a sign that I need to purchase which says," Please excuse the mess, the children are making memories." As parents isn't that what we are really trying to make with our children, memories? I pray that is what will be happening in our house in the near future. Until next time, always Chasing Hope and leaving the toys everywhere.
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