Hurry Up & Wait

     I can't believe it's already September.  It's a little sad that August only saw two measly posts.  I will say that with school starting and finishing our home study my hands were at times literally tied.  Within the next few weeks we will be home study ready.  This means at any point we could be called to either meet a birthmother who has a due date or a birthmother has picked us and we need to go to the hospital as soon as we can to meet our angel.  We have come to the part that I have dreaded since we made the decision to adopt, the waiting period.  For the last 3 months or so we've been busting our butts to prepare for the home study, and now that it's over I am not sure what to do with myself. 
     The obvious is to get our nursery ready, which means shopping, darn the luck.  Once the nursery is ready what do I do?  I have had so many people tell me that they are praying for us and that means so much to us.  Others have added that we won't be waiting long before we have that sweet baby home, and I can't help but plaster on my fake smile, sigh, and say, "yeah maybe". 
     When the truth is that we could get a call in 6 months, a year from now, or (I pray it doesn't come to this) 2 years from now.  We just don't know and I really do appreciate everyone's positive attitude towards us.  But I've also been on the side of wanting a child for so long that most of those cute dreams begin to fade away.  I hate to always be a Debbie Downer but I HAVE to stay on this side of things so I don't break my own heart.  Every time we have been to the beach I dream of what it would be like to be chasing around a child who upon getting to the waters edge and sees the waves runs back to Chase or me.  Yet, every trip back, every year back is another reminder that my dream is just that a dream. 
     At times, I feel so jaded by our experience that I can't get past some of the emotional stuff and let me tell you I hate emotional stuff.  For now we will finish our nursery, keep fundraising, may be run a 5K or two to pass the time and wait for the day when we will be parents.  Until next time, always Chasing Hope.