Throughout this journey there are have been good days, and days where it is hard to get out of bed, and take a shower. The best way to describe it would be the craziest roller coaster you have ever been on. Oh, and I should mention I HATE roller coasters, they make me sick. A good day would be a new procedure they are going to try, after all it might work. Now, a terrible day, you've waited those dreaded 2 weeks, and it's time to either start the cycle or take the test. I always opt to wait for the cycle, but on the off chance that I test; I am once again reminded that I am alone, one pink line. So, to deal with this crazy mess that I call my life right now. I find comfort in multiple outlets like, reading. I am a huge nerd and if I could I would read on the couch all day. Thankfully, I have an amazing job where I get to help my students find their love of reading. My other major outlet is children. Now, you might think that to be a little crazy because, after all, I want children and it just isn't working for me. Yet, I have found that children are my coping mechanism. It doesn't matter if they are an infant, toddler, a six year old, or even in Jr. High. I have realized that when I surround myself with them the pain goes away.
Now, the opposite can be said for those who are pregnant. I don't know what it is but (well that's just not true I know exactly what it is, jealousy, and I hate it) I have a difficult time being around them. They possess the one thing that, for the life of me, I cannot obtain, the pregnant belly with a baby inside. So, if you find that you are pregnant and we don't talk much in the next nine months please, don't take it to heart. It is just really hard for me to be around you because the reminder is always right in front of me.
The same can be said for attending baby showers. It isn't that I'm not happy for the mommy-to-be I just can't be around all of the baby reminders. The baby clothes, cribs, and adorable decorations are just too much for me to bear. I will always support my family and friends who are pregnant by buying gifts, but please don't be upset if I send it with a friend or other family member.
However, as soon as that sweet little baby makes his debut I'm awestruck. I have a weakness for children no matter the age. How can I possibly pass up the kissable baby, or the toddler who taunts me to "chase" them. I simply can't. I have friends who sometimes ask if it's ok , and I think are hesitant, at times, to bring their children around me. In this post I am crushing that thought. I couldn't imagine NOT seeing that sweet child, how much they have grown, and that they have skipped walking and are running around grabbing everything. The answer will always be, YES, I want you to bring them so I can shower them with 100 kisses, maybe I should start wearing lipstick. Know that I love them almost as much as you do and always will. So, I hope this post clears up a few things about how I personally cope with the hand we have been dealt. Until next time, always Chasing Hope.
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