I can't believe I'm writing this post already. Today would have been the day we would have hopefully gotten to meet you, given that the doctors got your due date right which I'm told they rarely do. Everyone would be waiting for you at the hospital, from aunts to great grandmas everyone would be waiting to catch a glimpse of you to see who you look like more.
So, to celebrate your birthday we have planned an eventful weekend. Tonight we will go out to dinner and think about who you might have looked like and who you might have become. The biggest question will still remain unanswered, but mommy still thinks you were a boy. What time would you have decided to make your big debut, early in the morning or late at night? Would you have been a healthy baby like all your cousins or closer to mommy and daddy's birth weight? I just know that you would have been a long baby at least 20 inches. How I wish I had the answers to these questions.
The other fun event that we have planned in honor of you sweet Peanut is to run in St. Louis's Glow Run. We would have been staying up late to either feed or give birth to you, so what better way to celebrate than with others. It will also keep us distracted and focused on all the chaos around us. Hopefully this time we will actually run a little bit.
Even though we won't get to meet for a while know that not a day goes by that I don't think about your sweet face or long to hear your heartbeat. I will always keep you in my heart until I get to heaven and we can meet in person. Always remember how much we love you sweet Peanut.
Chasing Hope Choosing Joy
Friday, August 14, 2015
I Didn't Know That Muscle Existed
Chase and I have been going to Crossfit since June and have tried to attend at least 3 times a week. With a hectic summer schedule we haven't always been able to go as much as we would have liked, but I will say that I'm hooked. I have never been an athlete. Growing up I only played summer slow pitch softball and never really did anything past 8th grade. In high school, P.E. was my kryptonite I avoided it at all costs and even got to skip out my senior year because I was doing an internship and taking several dual credit courses.
When I first started this insane form of torture, I was so out of shape and couldn't do any of the WOD without taking a break or immediately getting winded. Now, I can keep up with some of the other ladies in the class. I really noticed a change one Sunday afternoon. I had one of my nephews and I was tossing him into the air and watching him giggle. While doing this I thought to myself, huh, I could keep going until he was over it. Another time we were outside and one of my older nephews wanted to get on my shoulders and ride. Without batting an eye I picked him up with ease and put him on my shoulders. Just a few short months ago I would have struggled to raise him that high.
It's not just in areas related to my boys that I have noticed that I am getting stronger. I am one of those people who try to get all the groceries brought in with one trip. Especially this time of year, the horse flies are enormous and practically attack you when you step out of the door. Well this last time, I did have to make 2 trips, I hadn't shopped in a few weeks. That last trip I managed to bring in 3 Wal-Mart sacks, 1 overloaded Aldi bag (I always cram as much as I can into my bags and then regret every minute of it when I carry them in), 2 gallons of milk, and a case of water all while screaming and running away from the kamikaze horse flies. (If you're laughing you should be, my family always makes fun of me this time of year because I run and scream from the car to the house because of those stupid bugs.)
All of that to say I have never felt better. I never thought in all my life I would get excited about a work out or dare I say enjoy lifting weight. Each class is a new day, the WOD is never the same. Some of the moves are the same but you never know what form of torment they are going to make you perform. Sadly, I keep going back for more and in the foreseeable future I am hooked. I love how I feel and I can tell that I am losing weight, even though its a slow process. Until next time always Chasing hope, and feeling like Wonder Woman!
When I first started this insane form of torture, I was so out of shape and couldn't do any of the WOD without taking a break or immediately getting winded. Now, I can keep up with some of the other ladies in the class. I really noticed a change one Sunday afternoon. I had one of my nephews and I was tossing him into the air and watching him giggle. While doing this I thought to myself, huh, I could keep going until he was over it. Another time we were outside and one of my older nephews wanted to get on my shoulders and ride. Without batting an eye I picked him up with ease and put him on my shoulders. Just a few short months ago I would have struggled to raise him that high.
It's not just in areas related to my boys that I have noticed that I am getting stronger. I am one of those people who try to get all the groceries brought in with one trip. Especially this time of year, the horse flies are enormous and practically attack you when you step out of the door. Well this last time, I did have to make 2 trips, I hadn't shopped in a few weeks. That last trip I managed to bring in 3 Wal-Mart sacks, 1 overloaded Aldi bag (I always cram as much as I can into my bags and then regret every minute of it when I carry them in), 2 gallons of milk, and a case of water all while screaming and running away from the kamikaze horse flies. (If you're laughing you should be, my family always makes fun of me this time of year because I run and scream from the car to the house because of those stupid bugs.)
All of that to say I have never felt better. I never thought in all my life I would get excited about a work out or dare I say enjoy lifting weight. Each class is a new day, the WOD is never the same. Some of the moves are the same but you never know what form of torment they are going to make you perform. Sadly, I keep going back for more and in the foreseeable future I am hooked. I love how I feel and I can tell that I am losing weight, even though its a slow process. Until next time always Chasing hope, and feeling like Wonder Woman!
Thursday, August 13, 2015
I Must Be Crazy
Within the last 3 plus years, my major focus has been to get pregnant and start our family. There have been many sleepless nights hoping and praying that the doctors would be wrong about our infertility and God would give us our miracle. In a way God is giving us our miracle, but in a different form, adoption.
Upon signing on with Angel, I have felt a peace that I have never felt in the last 3 years of trying to get pregnant. Our pending adoption has me more at ease than if I were to find out I was pregnant. Truth be told I do not want to be pregnant at this moment. While it would be a miracle, Angel would freeze our contract and it would resume when the baby was a year, but we would also have to redo our home study thus forking out money again. The money is not the issue, but the possibility of another miscarriage really scares me. However, there are at least 40 possible issues that we could face with adoption. I know that this is were we are supposed to be right now. I can just feel it.
It seems a little odd for me to actually write that I don't want to be pregnant. I want to be a mom and I feel like God has opened this specific door for a reason. It's like our light at the end of the tunnel is actually there and were not just sitting around in darkness like I feel we have been the last 3 years. Some might think that I have given up hope of ever being pregnant. That is simply not true as a woman I will always have that hope and that might still be in God's plan for our family. At this time, this moment we are going to grow our family through adoption. Until next time friends, always Chasing Hope.
Upon signing on with Angel, I have felt a peace that I have never felt in the last 3 years of trying to get pregnant. Our pending adoption has me more at ease than if I were to find out I was pregnant. Truth be told I do not want to be pregnant at this moment. While it would be a miracle, Angel would freeze our contract and it would resume when the baby was a year, but we would also have to redo our home study thus forking out money again. The money is not the issue, but the possibility of another miscarriage really scares me. However, there are at least 40 possible issues that we could face with adoption. I know that this is were we are supposed to be right now. I can just feel it.
It seems a little odd for me to actually write that I don't want to be pregnant. I want to be a mom and I feel like God has opened this specific door for a reason. It's like our light at the end of the tunnel is actually there and were not just sitting around in darkness like I feel we have been the last 3 years. Some might think that I have given up hope of ever being pregnant. That is simply not true as a woman I will always have that hope and that might still be in God's plan for our family. At this time, this moment we are going to grow our family through adoption. Until next time friends, always Chasing Hope.
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