The title and bulk of this post really doesn't have a thing to do with me but about a woman, in my opinion, of true faith from the bible. This post has been rewritten at least 5 times and has been sitting in draft form for months. I have had it on my heart to write about a biblical role model, but wanted to make sure that all the credit goes to God and that I wrote this properly. This story is one that I have poured over since our trial began. There are so many amazing men and women throughout the bible who are definitely note-worthy but at this point in my life I felt like this story is one that really pulls at my heart strings.
This is the true story of a Godly woman, Hannah. I am just paraphrasing, but please take the time and really read this one from the bible because I can't do it justice (I Samuel 1, the whole chapter). Elkanah had 2 wives Peninnah and Hannah; Peninnah had children (meaning more than one) and Hannah didn't. I am so grateful that I do not have to share my husband with another woman, especially a fertile one.
Elkanah and his family travel to worship and sacrifice to the Lord. While there Hannah's rival (the bible doesn't out right say it, but I would assume its the other woman, Peninnah) provokes her. This provoking as the bible calls in goes on for years. It upsets Hannah as it would any woman who wants to provide a child for her husband whom she loves. The bible says she wept and would not eat. Elkanah shows concern for her by asking what the problem is but she never says. He also asks the question, "Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?" The answer for me to this question is yes. I haven't the slightest idea what I would do if I didn't have Chase through all of this. However, there are certain things that are extremely difficult to tell the man that you love. Chase and I share everything. He knows exactly how I feel about our issues, yet at times I feel like there are some thing's he just doesn't need to bear.
In verse 10 it says, "In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly." She begins to beg the Lord to remember her servant and grant her a son and she will give him back to the Lord all the days of his life. Eli the priest hears Hannah's prayers and thinks she is drunk, but Hannah quickly explains that she is not. She replies, I love this, in verse 15 and 16, "Not so my lord, I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief." When you have longed for a baby of your own for so long and have poured your heart and soul into prayer, yet God hasn't answered it can be so devastating. I have prayed countless prayers pouring my heart out to my God begging him for a child of my own. The English teacher in me loves the word anguish because for those that have experienced infertility it truly is the right word for her/our pain.
The story doesn't end with pain because if God sees you to it then only He will see you through it. Eli tells her to go in peace and may God grant what you have asked. Later it says that she lay with her husband, conceives, and gave birth to a son, Samuel ,meaning because I asked the Lord for him. This is the same Samuel that is called by God to judge Israel, anoints King Saul and then anoints a better king, David.
I know exactly how Hannah felt. It seems like everyone around me has been pregnant, is, or will be in the next 10 minutes. This has been extremely challenging for me because my timing and God's timing don't always add up. However, I need to remind myself that He will remember me just like he heard Hannah's pleas hundreds of years ago; we will have a child of our own someday too.
In the bible it is mentioned that women desire to have sons to carry on the family name. When I pray for a child I always secretively hope (I guess it isn't a secret any longer) for a son. I love my sweet husband so much and would be so honored to have a son just like him. He is thoughtful, smart, caring, and so much more, I could go on for days, but then you really would stop reading my posts. If you take one thing away from this post know that the Lord your God hears your pleas and will remember his servant no matter what it is. It might not be when you think but remember God's timing and yours aren't always the same. Until next time, always Chasing Hope.
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