Mother's Day, a time to celebrate the one who gave birth to you, or a celebration for you of the life you helped create. This holiday has gotten harder and harder for me to handle over the past few years, and rightfully so. You see Mother's Day always falls around the time of my birthday. So, for as long as I can remember, we have celebrated my birthday and Mother's Day together. In the past, it hasn't always been that difficult until recently.
It's always a reminder for me of the one thing I haven't accomplished this year, creating life. Now your saying I should be celebrating MY mother and I do, don't worry, she would kill me if I forgot Mother's Day (sorry mom but you know I'm right). There's always this nagging voice in my head saying well another year down and my biological clock keeps ticking louder and louder. I have always wanted to be a younger mom, well as my birthday and Mother's Day pass along I'm constantly reminded that it didn't happen yet again this year.
I should rephrase this or at least find a better way to phrase it. I am already a mother in my heart but some might not see it that way. Before I lost my little peanut, I was over joyed that my birthday and Mother's Day wouldn't suck so bad. I joked with Chase that he could get me tickets to Ellen's Mother's Day Episode. For those who don't watch or haven't seen that episode, every person in the audience is a pregnant woman. Throughout the show she gives away tons of baby things. What an amazing gift to not only be pregnant but to get to see a caring star on my birthday. Now, in reality there's no way we would be able to travel to LA but the thought is what counts.
This year will probably be the worst because every 6 years my birthday falls on Mother's Day and you guessed it, this year it does. So, this year my wonderful husband is taking me out of town and to a Kenney Chesney concert where I won't be reminded that I'm childless. If people happen to ask while were out that weekend, what are you doing for Mother's Day or do you have children? Trust me it always comes up, even with complete strangers. Like last year over my birthday, the day before Mother's Day, I went to get my nails fixed, after all I am a true girly girl at heart. The lady that did my nails asked if I had kids, to which I had to reply no. She then proceeded to ask me how long I had been married, almost 4 years. Then proceeded to ramble on about how in her culture if you didn't have kids soon that you weren't really considered a married couple. Needless to say, my 25th birthday started out pretty crappy. Now back to what I will say when we are out of town this year. I will lie. What? Lying is wrong little Christian girl, yes it is, but I think it's wrong to belittle a person for not being a parent when you have no clue what they are going through. So yes, I will make up a big fat one about my beautiful children and my weekend retreat with my husband, but not to worry we will still see my babies on Sunday when we get back home. For one minute I'll pretend like life is perfect.
So this Mother's Day say a little prayer for those of us who would move heaven and earth to have someone little call us Mommy and make us a cute little card with way too much glitter. Hug your babies tight and thank God for them EVERY minute of everyday. Even if they just had a fight with their sibling using mustard as a weapon in the living room. Because in all honesty I would rather clean up that mess than have no mess at all. Until next time, always Chasing Hope.
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